It wasn’t until I was past 50 that I realized how much
growing up in an alcoholic home had affected me. Once acknowledged, I found my
way to a support group for families of alcoholics. And though most people there
were dealing with active drinkers—their spouses and/or adult children—I came away with two valuable lessons from my time there: to be grateful and to serve others.
In other words, when experiencing what may seem the worst of
times in our lives—no matter the cause—it really is helpful to spend some time focusing on the positive.
And to make that focus a regular practice.
This may not be news to those who live their ethical, philosophical
or religious values; such people regularly experience the psychological rewards
of being grateful and of serving others. Still, isn’t it grand to know that
science now provides evidence for such rewards?
That is the goal of the Greater Good Science Center at UC
Berkeley “[which] is developing research-based exercises that promote
happiness, resilience, kindness, and connection.”
On the Center’s website, there’s a list of such practices,
including how they can help us become more compassionate, optimistic, forgiving, and happy, among others.
As for becoming more grateful, following is one of the
suggested practices from the Center—keeping a gratitude journal—and tips on
how to do it.
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TIME REQUIRED
15 minutes per day, at least once per week for at least two
weeks. Studies suggest that writing in a gratitude journal three times per week
might actually have a greater impact on our happiness than journaling every
day.
HOW TO DO IT
There’s no wrong way to keep a gratitude journal, but
here are some general instructions as you get started.
Write down up to five things for which you feel grateful.
The physical record is important—don’t just do this exercise in your head. The
things you list can be relatively small in importance (“The tasty sandwich I
had for lunch today.”) or relatively large (“My sister gave birth to a healthy
baby boy.”). The goal of the exercise is to remember a good event, experience,
person, or thing in your life—then enjoy the good emotions that come with it.
As you write, here are nine important tips:
Be as specific as
possible—specificity is key to fostering gratitude. “I’m grateful that my
co-workers brought me soup when I was sick on Tuesday” will be more effective
than “I’m grateful for my co-workers.”
Go for depth over
breadth. Elaborating in detail about a particular person or thing for
which you’re grateful carries more benefits than a superficial list of many
things.
Get personal. Focusing on people
to whom you are grateful has more of an impact than focusing on things for
which you are grateful.
Try subtraction, not just
addition. Consider what your life would be like without certain people or
things, rather than just tallying up all the good stuff. Be grateful for the
negative outcomes you avoided, escaped, prevented, or turned into something
positive—try not to take that good fortune for granted.
See good things as
“gifts.” Thinking of the good things in your life as gifts guards against
taking them for granted. Try to relish and savor the gifts you’ve received.
Savor surprises. Try to record
events that were unexpected or surprising, as these tend to elicit stronger
levels of gratitude.
Revise if you repeat. Writing
about some of the same people and things is OK, but zero in on a different
aspect in detail.
Write regularly. Whether you write
every other day or once a week, commit to a regular time to journal,
then honor that commitment. But…
Don’t overdo it. Evidence
suggests writing occasionally (1-3 times per week) is more beneficial than
daily journaling. That might be because we adapt to positive events and can
soon become numb to them—that’s why it helps to savor surprises.
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As for why this is a worthwhile practice, click on WHY YOU
SHOULD TRY IT on the following link:
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