Becoming Brave. Again.

Over 20 years ago, I was in a workshop where we were asked to list three adjectives that described who we wanted to be or become. This was an aspirational exercise, one that through the process of naming would help us achieve these particular personal qualities. Or at least amplify them.

We probably did more writing about the list, but all I can remember now are the three words on it: Brave, Focused, Forgiving. For whatever reasons, I felt the need to become a person who was more brave, more focused, and more forgiving.

The brave part had to do with my decision to leave academic teaching and become self-employed, always a risky business. And “focused” would help me figure out what that freelance life would actually look like: what kind of writing and journal writing would I teach? For whom and where?  What kind of writing would I do? And how would I get published?

As for the forgiving part, that should be obvious to anyone who’s tried it.

So now two decades on, it seems I pretty much made the freelance life happen—my 15-page combined resume of workshops taught and essays (and book) published attests to that. And though the 2007 recession continues to disrupt it financially, I’m still teaching and writing.

As for the forgiving part, I’m using the Prayer to St. Francis to nudge me on down my list of potential forgivees: “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace/where there is hatred, let me sow love, where this is injury, pardon” etc. etc. That whole damn prayer is an invitation to become a more humble and less self-absorbed person.

And so the teaching and the writing and the forgiving continue on into my old-ish age, but now “Brave” has taken on a much different challenge for me: falling in love. Again. Time to seriously move on from the hurt of those two lost loves in my twenties and the slew of romantic missteps through my sixties.

To that end, I joined a match service last week, uploading my “profile,” which included a photo from 12 years ago (though I did give my correct age). Will upload more photos, including from my Facebook page. Those are way more recent, though not close enough to show my array of facial wrinkles. That very special view I’ll save for when I meet up with a potential suitor over a beer at my local.

Speaking of which, since launching myself into the dateosphere, Lou, Marty, David, and Tom have viewed my profile. I’ll be viewing theirs tomorrow. Stay tuned.