What Should We Celebrate?

Following is a slightly edited version of an email I sent to Chicago Sun-Times sports writer, Rick Morrissey on Monday. It was in response to his very fun column on Chicago Cubs’ manager Joe Maddon’s dyed hair.

Dear Mr. Morrissey,

I LOVED your column today on Joe Maddon's hair. 

I'd take issue with only one sentence though: "Women dye their hair and society celebrates it." Fortunately, that is changing. As a longtime grey/white-haired Beyonder, I've actually received compliments on its natural color, from both Boomers and Millennials.

As we used to bellow in the '60s, the times are in fact a-changing.

Here’s how Morrissey’s column begins:

Come home, Joe Maddon!

We, the gray-haired men of America, beseech you to put down your dye kit, to withhold your money from salons and stylists and to embrace the silver path that nature has laid out for you.

Then five paragraphs down:

We who are blessed with gray hair want you to know that we believe in freedom of choice and that you should be able to do what you want. We’d also like to think we’re above telling you that men with dye jobs look like either a rusty sink or an oil spill. Or like Sylvester Stallone. So, three things.

Then the paragraph introducing the sentence I took issue with:

Women dye their hair, and society celebrates it. Middle-aged men dye their hair, and mass snickering ensues, always behind their back.

And nearing the end of the column:

We gray heads and graybeards just want you to know we’re everywhere. We live good lives. People don’t walk by as if we’re not here. They put coins in our cups. Kidding! It’s good to be gray, and it’s better than being bald. But that’s a column for another day.

Just a couple of hours later, I received a response to my email:

Thanks, Carol. I'm all for gray pride! My point was that women can get away with dying their hair and men can't. And there's a reason men can't -- it generally looks bad on them.

Now I didn’t reply back, but I’m still not convinced that women in 2018 can “get away with dying their hair,” regardless if men can or can’t. And I use my very self as exhibit A.

Back when I was a much younger woman who was turning gray—in my early 40’s—I became smitten with an even younger man. I imagined that he might not return the attraction if I continued to gray, so I decided to dye it.

Now maybe it was because I didn’t pay top dollar for the dye job. Or maybe it was the color—something more maroon than dark auburn—which had no resemblance to any hair currently waving atop my head. But no matter the reason, I looked like I was wearing a dark helmet, one spray-painted around my face that made me wince every time I looked into a mirror.

It was the first and only time I dyed my hair.

Now I confess that it wasn’t easy to stay gray for the ensuing years. But then over time the gray turned to white, and now bits of it are even blond.  But throughout it all the color of my hair at least matched the lines on my face. No weird and obvious contradiction between the two. 

And it’s that mismatch that makes me believe that no one—women or men—can really “get away with dying their hair” as they age. Because everyone knows that that's what they're doing.

So, yes, dye if you must your old gray head. Or don’t. But, no matter the color of our hair, let's all be be comfortable in our own aging skin. Even celebrate it. 

That we can get away with.

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And just this brief note: I've begun a second blog, "From the Desk of the Prodigal Daughter."

http://fromthedeskoftheprodigaldaughter.blogspot.com

As I write in the first post, which is now live, it is about my having returned to the faith of my youth after a 45 year absence. So far, it's been a fun, stimulating, and meaningful ride. If you care to join me as I attempt to make sense of it all, please do.

Look for those posts on Tuesdays of each week.