Aging with Purpose: Telling Our Stories

In a youth-obsessed, “anti-aging” culture—where old people should be neither seen nor heard—it’s gratifying to learn of young people who actually want to hear from their elders.

Case in point: this recent article by Audra D. S. Burch in the New York Times: “A New Class of Voting Rights Activists Picks Up the Mantle in Mississippi.” *

Here’s the opening paragraph:

The first time Howard Kirschenbaum registered voters in Mississippi was during the summer of 1964, when he was arrested and thrown in jail. The second time was on Tuesday, after returning to the Southern state more than a half-century later to support a new generation of voting rights activists.

A couple of paragraphs later:

Four veteran volunteers of Freedom Summer, now in their 70s and mostly retired, returned to the state this week to join a nonpartisan youth group, Mississippi Votes, for a voter registration campaign called Up2Us. Young and old, two full generations apart, gathered at a Jackson church, in nearby neighborhoods, on the balcony of an Oxford bookstore to talk about the perils and stakes of voter activism, then and now.

And here’s the part that stands out for me:

“There is a power that transcends our ages,” said Arekia Bennett, 25, executive director of Mississippi Votes, which has 250 volunteers and chapters on nine different college campuses across the state. “We want to dive deep into the veteran stories and learn the lessons of that summer so we can shift the narrative, make our own changes in Mississippi.”

Many of my adult writing clients want to share their life stories with their children, grandchildren, and generations to follow. Whether in a book, a short collection of letters and diary entries, or in oral interviews, they hope to, in part, pass on lessons learned.

And many of those lessons have to do not only with their personal history—where they went to school, what kind of work they did, who they married—but also with how that history was joined to the time, place, and culture within which they lived.

The NYT piece describes a time, place and culture in 1964 having to do with voting rights in the south. The stories Ms. Bennett and her colleagues want to “dive deep into” are those of activists who lived that history. They want to learn from their elders so they can make their own present-day contribution, one that will help them “shift the narrative.”

In other words, they want to learn from history, so as not to repeat it.

(With thanks to George Santayana https://www.britannica.com/biography/George-Santayana)

*https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/25/us/freedom-summer-mississippi-votes.html?rref=collection%2Fsectioncollection%2Fus&action=click&contentCollection=us&region=stream&module=stream_unit&version=latest&contentPlacement=20&pgtype=sectionfront

The Four FEBS of Aging Well

OK, truth is there are more than four, but these—the FEBS—are especially important. Because as we’ve often heard, when you have your health, you have everything.

Or as I would amend it: staying physically healthy as we age, and for as long as we can, gives us more opportunities to age well in other ways.

The four FEBS of good physical health, reinforced in my endless reading for Book the Second, are:

--Flexibility

--Endurance

--Balance

--Strength

No surprises there, eh? And while a lifetime of walking, biking, climbing stairs, stretching, and some intermittent attempts at yoga have served me pretty well, I am—and always have been—an accident waiting to happen. All my life, I have been clumsy; in fact, my parents used to say that I could walk into an empty room and trip.

Unfortunately, I have lived up to their expectations, not only tripping and often falling, but getting into bike accidents; knocking stuff over, usually breakable; and dropping things.

I seem to have survived the worst of it, often with the help of emergency rooms and doctor visits (the mild concussion and fractured ribs), but most often with ice packs, heating pads, pain patches, massage, and OTC anti-inflammatories.

And though I may be clumsy, I ain’t stupid. As my 75^th is due to arrive in a mere six weeks, I’m thinking it might be time to develop a regular practice of something—anything—that will improve my own personal FEBS. Especially so that next year, I can happily greet and celebrate my 76^th. 

To get started, I’m joining a Tai Chi class this week, a decision inspired by Jane Brody’s recent article in the New York Times:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/10/well/move/using-tai-chi-to-build-strength.html?action=click&contentCollection=well&region=rank&module=package&version=highlights&contentPlacement=1&pgtype=sectionfront

Surviving My Staycation

I don’t idle well.

Yes, I enjoyed dinners out with friends and catching up with former neighbors at the annual block party. Yes, it was fun hanging out with regulars at my local taverns, watching the hometown teams battle their way into the World Series. (Or not. Maybe next year, White Sox?)

And way out there fun was going to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field, and only for the second time in my long life. Not only was it a bit of a nail biter going into overtime, but also the tickets were a gift, donated by my high school friend’s generous son. Thank you, again, Andy, for your thoughtfulness.

But a person can have only so much fun—at least this person—especially when it’s crammed into three long weeks.

So to break the Fun Tedium, I spent most of my staycation in the library, where, if it were possible, I’d simply live.

But I wasn’t just wandering aimlessly through the stacks; I was busy “turning over” those sections where books on aging were concentrated. Because, as Samuel Johnson once observed:  'The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write: a man [sic] will turn over half a library to make one book.'

I am now knee deep in reading as I begin Book #2. Though somewhat related to Book #1, this one will have a much broader focus: exploring the currently hot topic of aging. (Hot? Just wait till you see my book’s bibliography.)

Part of my focus will be on the importance of purpose and creativity—however we indulge those most human impulses--as we make our way beyond 50 and onto the great beyond.

And so now the real fun begins.

Still Working My GPS

First, many thanks to all those who sent along best wishes in response to my July 19^th blog post.  Each sympathetic expression matters as I continue to recover from my two quite inconvenient injuries.

And so, not surprisingly, the ”G” in my GPS is getting quite the workout, including the daily gratitude list I make each day in my trusty 6 x 4 inch green memo book.

Also getting a workout is the “P” required for me to slow the hell down and do the daily back exercises and wound tending.

As for the “S,” that’s mostly come from lying in bed on top of the hot pad and reading. Right now, I’m plowing through three books on aging—surprise, surprise—paying special attention to writers like Joan Chittister who acknowledge both the “burdens and blessings” of living a long, relatively healthy, life.

And while I’ve missed keeping my weekly writing schedule—including not posting last week—I believe, as Samuel Johnson said, that the “greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write: a man [sic] will turn over half a library to make one book.”

As for the library I’m currently turning over, I offer this selected list. It is a work in progress, as books on aging keep finding their way onto my shelf and into my hands.

John Banville, Time Pieces: A Dublin Memoir

Mary Catherine Bateson, Composing a Further Life

Wayne Booth (ed), The Art of Growing Older: Writers on Living & Aging

Joan Chittister, The Gift of Years: Growing Older Gracefully

Cicero’s treatise, On Old Age (65 BCE)

--How to Grow Old: Ancient Wisdom for the Second Half of Life, (Cicero translated and w/ an introduction by Philip Freeman)

Dudley Clendinen, A Place Called Canterbury: Tales of the New Old Age in America

Thomas Cole, The Journey of Life: A Cultural History of Aging in America

Frank J. Cunningham, Vesper Time: The Spiritual Practice of Growing Older

Nicholas Delbanco, Lastingness: the Art of Old Age

           

Ken Dychtwald, Age Wave: The Challenges & Opportunities of an Aging America

--Age Power: How the 21^st Century Will Be Ruled by the New Old

Betty Friedan, The Fountain of Age

Michael Gurian, The Wonder of Aging: A New Approach to Embracing Life after 50.

           

Carolyn Heilbrun, The Last Gift of Time: Life Beyond Sixty

James Hillman, The Force of Character and the Lasting Life

Institute of Medicine/National Research Council, America’s Aging: Productive Roles in an Older Society

Jeremy James, The Power of Experience: Great Writers over 50 on the Quest for a Lifetime of Meaning, (ed.)

PD James, A Time To Be In Earnest

Anne Karpf, How to Age (The School of Life series from Picador

Daniel Klein, Travels with Epicurus: A Journey To A Greek Island In Search Of A Fulfilled Life

           

Maggie Kuhn on Aging: A Dialogue, Dieter Hessel

Gerald A. Larue, A New Vision of Growing Old in America, Golden Age Books

Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 years After 50

Barbara Lee, God Isn't Finished with Me Yet: Discovering the Spiritual Graces of Later Life

Eda LeShan, Safe at Last in the Middle Years

Martha Nussbaum, Aging Thoughtfully: Conversations About Retirement, Romance, Wrinkles, and Regret

Nancy A. Pachana, Ageing: A Very Short Introduction

Charlotte Painter, Gifts of Age: Portraits and Essays of 32 Remarkable Women

Parker Palmer, On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity, and Getting Old

Mary Pipher, Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders

Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Getting Over Getting Older: An Intimate Journey

Lewis Richmond, Aging as a Spiritual Practice: A Contemplative Guide to Growing Older & Wiser

Richard Rohr: Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life

Salman Schachter-Shalomi & Ronald S. Miller, From Age-ing to Sage-ing: A Revolutionary Approach to Growing Older

Emily Esfahani Smith, The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters

Studs Terkel, Coming of Age: The Story of Our Century By Those Who Lived It

My Personal GPS

It’s not been a very good couple-o-weeks here in LaChapelle Land.

First, there was the back pain. Then, just as that was working itself out, I did something stupid and worked it back in.

Then on Friday, I got bitten—or clawed—by a small dog. It was being walked by a 12-year old who didn’t have a good grasp on the leash. When I’d already passed them on the sidewalk, the dog whipped around and did something nasty to my leg.

First, the pain, then the blood, then the mayhem.

Long story a little less long, the next day I made my way to a drugstore mini-clinic. Had the 2-inch long tear washed and steri-stripped; got a tetanus shot and script for antibiotics; then went home with instructions on how to clean and dress the wound until it—hopefully—closes.

Over the last several days of tending to the back and the wound, I’ve become a bit cranky. Like my father, I don’t do pain well, especially when caring for one injury aggravates the other. And when together they take up so damn much time.

What to do, then, other than take the Alleve and the antibiotic, wash the wound and ice the back, try and minimize the pain from each, and seek advice from the proper professionals?

Easy: along with changing the back patches and the wound dressings, I need to change my attitude. OK, not so easy. But the "Woe is me" internal chatter only keeps me in the woe.

What helps, not surprisingly, is meditating: lying still or walking, I slow down my breathing and with each breath, repeat a word that calms me. This practice, I’m hoping, will also calm the pain. Or at least distract me from it.

The three words I’ve been using—my personal GPS—are gratitude; patience; and serenity. Each in its own way helps remind me what’s needed to change my attitude.

Well, that, and a nice cold glass of Harp at my local sports bar. (We love you, Javy.)

Aging Gracefully

Several years ago, I entered a writing contest sponsored by Real Simple magazine. As I recall, the assignment was to list 10 secret ways to age gracefully.

Now, I wasn’t quite sure why these ways—tips, really—were supposed to be secret. Especially as they’d be published in a national magazine.

As for gracefully, it didn’t dawn on me until I read the winning entries—I was not among them—that in this instance, gracefully could be equivalent to beautifully, well turned out, fashionably.

In other words, how can we keep our looks and our fabulous style as the birthdays and the decades pile on? "Hey, foxy lady, how can you outfox Mother Nature?"

Now, I’ve never been especially foxy, and certainly not beautiful or fashionable. Even when being courted in my 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s by Eddie and Philip and John and Bill, I didn’t wear much make-up, if any, and went in more for comfy than stylish clothes and shoes.

Now, in my 70’s, I realize that my definition of graceful aging reflects those life-long habits, having less to do with body and more with spirit, attitude, purpose, and, of course, good health.

So here's my rejected list, which I titled 10-not-so-secret ways to age gracefully. 

It almost wrote itself those many years ago, and now I offer it as a writing prompt to my readers. Have fun with it, and if you’d like to share any or all of your list, please email me at madmoon55@hotmail.com. I may want to post some of the submissions on my blog.

1.  Be grateful.  

2.  Become a mentor.

3.  Write your family stories.

4.  Move your body. A lot. Walk, bike, swim, dance, whatever.

5.  Be grateful.

6.  Take risks, especially in love and in work (paid or unpaid).

7.  Learn a new skill or retrieve an old one: drawing, skiing, playing the piano.

8.  Stay outraged by injustice, no matter its form.

9.  Live in your body, not some idealized version thereof.

10.  Be grateful.